Sex can be one of the most personal, complex, and sometimes painful areas of life. But from the beginning of Scripture, sex is not presented as something dirty or shameful. It is something God designed as part of His good creation.

The Bible gives us a much bigger vision for sex than simply a list of behaviors to avoid. Sex is a gift, sex is a signpost, sex is a target, and sex is a garden. And when we understand God’s design, we begin to see that sex within marriage is ultimately about far more than the physical act itself. 

Sex Is a Gift

You were made for bliss. You were made for joy everlasting.

Before there was sin, there was one man, one woman, and God together in the garden. Genesis 2 describes Adam and Eve becoming “one flesh,” followed by this remarkable statement: “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”

Before there was sin, there was nakedness—and there was no shame.

God designed marriage to be a place where two people can be completely known and completely loved. There is nothing hidden. Nothing about you that your spouse cannot see, and yet you are still loved.

Sex becomes a physical expression of the oneness of marriage itself. Two people give themselves fully to one another. That brings with it several incredible gifts: oneness, being naked and unashamed, physical pleasure, physical health, marital closeness, covenant renewal, and even the gift of children.

When married people have sex, they are also renewing the covenant they made to one another. In a very tangible way, they are saying again, “You are my one and only. I choose you and love you.”

Sex is not merely permitted by God.

It is one of His good gifts.

Sex Is a Signpost

But sex does not end with itself.

It is also a signpost pointing toward something greater.

Paul writes in Ephesians 5 about a husband and wife becoming one flesh, then immediately says, “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.”

Marriage points beyond marriage. The intimacy, faithfulness, belonging, and union experienced between a husband and wife give us a glimpse of the relationship God desires with His people.

Throughout Scripture, God describes His people using the language of a bride. The Bible moves toward the wedding supper of the Lamb, where Christ is united with His church.

That means the deepest longings underneath sexual desire ultimately point beyond another human being.

They point toward God.

Sex is good, but it is not ultimate. It is a divine pointer toward the greater intimacy, joy, belonging, and union we will experience with Christ.

Sex Is a Target

Because sex is so powerful and so good, it also becomes a target.

The evil one loves taking good things and twisting them into things that wound us.

Sometimes the church has responded to sexual brokenness by focusing almost exclusively on what people should avoid. Those boundaries matter, but if all we ever communicate is “sex is dangerous,” we can accidentally squash something God created as good: sexual desire itself.

Whether someone is single or married, sexual desire is part of being human.

For singles, there can be tremendous spiritual formation in acknowledging those desires while choosing purity and faithfulness to Christ. And no one should believe the lie that a fulfilled life requires sex. Jesus Himself lived a single, celibate, completely fulfilled life.

For married people, sex remains a powerful picture of union and fidelity.

The goal is not to deny desire, worship desire, or allow desire to control us. The goal is to allow even our desires to be brought under the loving leadership of Christ.

Sex Is a Garden

Song of Songs pictures marital intimacy like a garden—a place of beauty and delight meant to be shared by two people, with a wall around it that does not let others in.

First Corinthians 7 adds another important word to that picture: mutuality.

A husband gives himself to his wife, and a wife gives herself to her husband. This is not about control or compulsion. It is a race toward humility and self-giving.

Sex is given, not demanded.

The passage should never be used to pressure or manipulate a spouse. At the same time, Paul warns against intentionally depriving one another. Sex can be weaponized in either direction—through demanding or denying.

God's design is something much better: two people freely giving themselves to one another for mutual good.

And when intimacy has disappeared from a marriage, the healthiest starting place is not blame.

Start with curiosity. Something is there that deserves attention, compassion, and perhaps help.

Because the goal of sex is not simply sex. It is intimacy.

That intimacy includes far more than what happens in the bedroom. It can include recreational intimacy—walking, playing, creating, and enjoying life together. It includes physical affection such as hugging, kissing, holding hands, and cuddling. There is spiritual intimacy through worship, prayer, and Scripture; intellectual intimacy through sharing ideas and thoughts; and emotional intimacy through naming what we feel with honesty and safety.

The goal is intimacy, and the plan is a bundle plan.

There can also be very real roadbumps along the way: differences in sexual desire, phones and pornography, physical pain, hormonal changes, erectile dysfunction, differences in arousal and orgasm, past abuse or trauma, and unhealthy messages received through purity culture.

Those roadbumps should not automatically become reasons for shame or resignation. They are reasons to pay attention.

Sometimes the next faithful step is a conversation. Sometimes it is putting the phone down. Sometimes it is seeing a doctor, counselor, physical therapist, or other trusted professional. Sometimes it is patiently learning your spouse again.

The important thing is not to ignore what is happening.

I Am My Beloved’s

Song of Songs gives us one of the simplest and most beautiful pictures of marriage:

“I am my beloved’s and he is mine.”

There is belonging there. There is intimacy. There is joy. There is mutuality.

And underneath it all is the larger story of a God who created us for relationship, joy, and ultimately union with Himself.

Sex in marriage is not something God reluctantly tolerates. It is a gift to receive, a signpost toward something greater, a target worth protecting, and a garden worth cultivating.

God’s desire is not simply sexual behavior. His desire is sexual wholeness—two people knowing they belong to one another, giving themselves freely in love, and experiencing the intimacy He designed marriage to hold.

Message recap adapted from the August 30, 2026, message by Minister Mark Ashton.

Message Notes & Slides

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